The Pick-up Artist’s New Challenge

Ordinarily when going out on a Friday or Saturday night, your mission is to have fun with your crowd, blow off steam and meet people. Acquiring these new acquaintances is a game of tact – from the way you dress, how you carry yourself, being armed with witty one-liners, an up-beat energy, and whatever other personal tricks you use. Usually, we employ these devices in the pursuit of romantic interests – however, life after college pushes our pick-up artistry to a new dimension. Platonic friendship.

When you graduate from college, you leave behind built in social networks that you can tap into with ease. Meeting people in class, through a club, or in the Greek scene are friendship-catalysts of the past. You move to a city and into an apartment, knowing only the other people from your academic past that picked the same location and your co-workers – quickly understanding the historical dichotomy of isolation in an urban space.

Being social ceases to be a mere pastime and leisure activity – but now encompasses new responsibility and the need to champion new hurdles – making friends.

Perhaps at first glance this seems trivial. But think about who you know and consider to be a good friend – odds are that you met every one of them in high school, college, graduate school, at work, on an intramural team, or through one of these outlets.

To extend and expand your social network after you've finished school takes a great deal of effort – how do you make new friends – and good ones at that? It is not as though on a Friday night at a bar, you are going to walk up to a stranger and spin: “Hey there. You seem like a fun person, and I want to be your friend.” That is the epitome of awkward, and I’m embarrassed for you.

New friendships take effort, finesse, and looking in the right places. When a friend, friend of a friend or co-worker is having a party – go. Join an intramural team and grab drinks afterwards. A distant family acquaintance just moved here and knows few people? Take them under your wing, or at least give them a shot. A social situation with some sort of attendance-filter on it – such as a party thrown by even a distant acquaintance – completely changes the atmosphere, mood, and people’s willingness to be friendly to fellow partiers. Think about how you act and how you engage strangers at a house party versus at a club.

Let’s be honest. Making friends as a 20 something is not an easy accomplishment, but likely a gradual process that takes numerous casual encounters just to jumpstart. This is a far cry from when you were five and could walk up to any another bumbling infant, introduce yourself and ask if they want to be your friend. Bam! Done. Even have your parents to set up your play-date social calendar. Nearly foolproof at five, but not so much at twenty-five.

Developing platonic friendship is a tricky game, and mastery only comes if you can avoid being a complete creeper in the process. Transforming your social scene once in the real world is challenging, frustrating, and awkward – but just like new romantic pursuits – you have to create opportunities and be prepared to artfully use your bag of pick-up tricks to turn a stranger into a friend.